Circumstances and situations had combined to get me down and leave me despondent. So I sat down with my best friend (my wife) and just poured it all out. At the end she gave me some perspective and reminded me of some positives. My reply went something like this, “Yeah, but darlin’, you know me as well as I know me, possibly better. You know my weaknesses and flaws, the holes in my character. I just don’t know I’m the person I should be.”
Her reply was brilliant, “It’s not the holes honey, it’s the solid bits around the holes, that’s what makes the difference.”
The solid bits around the holes.
We all have holes, parts of ourselves and our lives that aren’t up to scratch. We all have flaws, weaknesses, areas of struggle and difficulty. We all know we could be and do so much more if it wasn’t for these aspects of ourselves. And yes, they are real; and yes, they need work - but so long as there are solid bits around them we have the resource and capacity to do that work and grow and achieve.
I’m not having a day like that day right now, and although I can acknowledge the holes, I can also appreciate the solid parts of me that surround the holes. I think that one of the important activities of life is to recognise and strengthen the solid areas and in doing so reduce the holes - fill them in. Sometimes that requires actively filling them in, but often it’s a case of building on our strengths and that can reduce some of the holes along the way.
I like cheese. I like cheese a little too much. I love a good triple cream brie, a soft and flavoursome camembert, a sharp and tangy matured cheddar, a strong and pungent blue, or a sweetish, nutty swiss, complete with holes. But here’s the thing, it isn’t the holes I enjoy, they are nothing, it’s the bits around the holes, the actual cheese, the part that holds the flavour. Are you getting the metaphor? The holes don’t make me who I am, they are just there, and although unlike cheese they actually do play a part in my personality, the essence of who I am resides in the bits around the holes - the good bits, the bits that contribute to family and community, the bits that add to who I am rather than detract from who I am.
In Christian-speak we might call this growing in Christlikeness, in secular-speak (ok, so I made that desciptor up) we might call it personal growth. Both ‘speaks’ have the same intent, growing more human, becoming more like who we and everyone else wishes we all were. Biblically we talk about humanity being made in the image of God, but we have seen that image damaged, distorted, cracked, yet Jesus shows us what that image should look like and the journey of faith is to respond to the work of the Spirit to conform to his image, to re-image God in our lives.
Tom Wright has a concept of what this looks like that resonates with me. He says that if Jesus is the perfect human, then the journey to image him is to become more human. However, for people who embrace the opposite of the values and virtues imaged in Christ (hate, envy, greed, injustice, unforgiveness etc.), they are, in effect, de-humanising themselves. It’s an interesting thought. It means that everyone is somewhere on the spectrum, everyone is somewhere on the journey. It means that when the holes are growing I’m heading in the wrong direction, but when the bits around the holes are strengthening and increasing, I am growing as a person and into what we were always intended to be.
We all have holes. It’s damaging if we focus too much on the holes, or if we ignore them. They are there, they don’t, however, define us. The holes themselves are actually only defined by the bits around them. So acknowledge the holes, but give thanks and appreciate the bits around them and, like me, give attention to the journey of becoming the kind of human being we all wish we were.
This world needs more people like that.
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